Our Story Part 3: Tender Telegrams

Matthew 7:7 

"Ask and it shall be given unto you..."

In June 2014, I jokingly asked God to send me a telegram with detailed instructions in regard to the infertility battle we found ourselves embroiled in.  He didn't disappoint!  He has a habit of giving us more than we can ask for or imagine and the telegrams always seemed to come at just the right time.  Some were simple reminders of truths I have known for years while others were sent to change my perspective on the situation.  If you find yourself waiting on the Lord in the midst of any hardship, beg him to send you telegrams and then I strongly encourage you to journal.  It has been wonderful reading through my notes from different segments of our journey and seeing how God answered me.  They remind me that God loves me!  He sees me and hears me.  He knows what I need at any given moment.  He is very near to those who call upon him!  

I want to share a few of the telegrams that spoke the loudest to me during our infertility journey.  They illustrate the heart of a woman desperately looking to the Lord for help but also how beautifully God responded.  He met me right where I was!  My hope is that whatever you may be going through in your own journey, that you are encouraged.  Seek the Lord and anticipate his answer.  It will come!   

June 23, 2014

I was organizing something in our bedroom lamenting about all the blood tests we were having when God reminded me he is the one who opens and closes wombs. 

"Mary became pregnant". 

He spoke to me as clear as day with this short sentence.  This flooded my mind with the infertility stories of the Bible.  Remember Rebecca (Genesis 25: 19-26), who was probably my age when she conceived Jacob and Esau.  It took Rebecca and Isaac about 20 years to have children!  Remember Hannah (1 Samuel 1:1-28), Sarah (Genesis 21), MARY! (Luke 1:26-38)  Hello!?!  She wasn't even having sex and God opened her womb!  He certainly can take care of our issues if he chooses.  I was able to take a deep breath knowing all of the obstacles in front of us are out of my control and very much in God’s control. 

October 30, 2014

I wrestle with reproductive assistance.  How can we possibly afford all of these infertility treatments without insurance?  The Lord was kind to quickly remind me Rebecca, Sarah, Hannah, Rachel (Genesis 30) and Elizabeth (Luke 1: 5-25) didn't have IVF!  Trust him alone!

November 4, 2014

I am thinking about my low ovarian reserve diagnosis and feeling generally deflated.  I am trying to accept that the Lord may not give us children and then he reminded me that Sarah was old!  Of all the women in the Bible that had fertility issues, God made sure to give all of us a beacon of hope in Sarah, who undoubtedly had no available oocytes at age 90!  The Lord grew one in her anyway!  Once again he reminds me nothing is impossible for him and that he has no need of any of the technology presented before us.  It's truly in his hands and not ours.  My test results ultimately mean nothing compared to his power!  

November 19, 2014

I flipped open my "Bible Promises" book to the hope chapter.  Psalm 42:11 was at the top.

"Why are you downcast oh my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my savior and my God".

November 23, 2014

At church today, the sermon was on Ecclesiastes 12 and remembering your Creator.  The speaker randomly turned to 1 Samuel 1:19.  "God remembered Hannah" which brought me to read verse 18 which used the word downcast.  That's how I feel at times.  This led me to Psalm 42 again (see above) and then a plethora of psalms saying "wait on the Lord".  I think he wants us to wait!

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." 

Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and patiently wait for him..." 

Psalm 37:34 "Wait for the Lord and keep his way..." 

Psalm 38: 15 "I wait for you, O Lord; you will answer, O Lord my God." 

Psalm 40:1-4 "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the mud and mire and set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust..."

November 29, 2014

We were cleaning the house and I was silently crying to the Lord and telling him my heart hurts over not having a family while so many others start theirs.  Grieving that I know he is able but I don't want to be like Sarah who was 90!  Praying for direction and also asking the Lord if he cares that my heart hurts.  While perusing Pinterest later on, my thoughts returned to those cries and I asked "do you even care that my heart hurts?"  Then a picture with Isaiah 41:10 appeared in my feed.  I looked it up.  Wow!  Yes, he does care!  And he is using this to bring glory to himself in time.  He will strengthen.  He will uplift and everyone will know it is he that did it.  Who knew God uses Pinterest?

Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

So does this mean I'm going to be like Sarah??!?  (Keep in mind she had ZERO ovarian reserve!  And Abraham no doubt had some serious male infertility issues at 100!)

December 3, 2014

Telegrams abound!  I was surfing Pinterest tonight before bed when I see a post that states "God didn't bring you this far to abandon you."  

Ironically, the telegram from November 29th hits home today.  I was wrestling with why God allows delays.  Sarah must have given up on children at some point in her life or accepted God's promise was different than what she thought it would be.  I reverently told the Lord I thought it was mean to make Sarah wait so long.  She was so long past her prime which must have caused immeasurable suffering and emotional pain only to give himself glory?  Again, reverently, I asked isn't that, GULP... selfish??!?  Certainly, that is against his character so I prayed for understanding.  He brought Lazarus to mind again.  He delayed.  Lazarus died!  Mary, Martha and their family endured tremendous suffering, again for his glory.  Why?  And then he told me: 

"So people will know who I am."

So people will know he is the Creator, Sustainer and oh, what's the word I used earlier?  Hmm... Defier of the physical world.  He doesn't play by the rules.  He makes them.  

Wow and Amen!  (And thank you, Lord, for patiently allowing me to wrestle with this.).

December 8, 2014

I was driving into work on a Monday morning.  I was in high spirits feeling all festive about the upcoming holidays.  My thoughts turned to the little boys (my nephews) and our fertility issues and the financial constraints of adoption and IVF and what the Lord would have for us.  That is when he told me:

"I will make you a family."

You will?  Did I hear you correctly?  I wondered how he would make us a family when we just learned we were both infertile.  I don't know how (biological?  adoption?  foster parenting?)  but I trust him and embrace whatever he has for us.  

December 9, 2014

Lisa and I met for dinner and it was a relief to finally talk to someone openly and very candidly about the pain and frustration of infertility.  I learned she was 39 years old when she had her first child and 41 years old with her second.  It gave me hope!  She's urging me to consider the natural IVF study more seriously.  I kind of wrote it off last week because I'm feeling the Lord keeps telling us to wait.  Then again, more information about it couldn't hurt.  It doesn't mean we will do it.     

  

December 29, 2014

I found myself praying in my sleep this morning and was encouraged to read today's Daily Bread.  It was too good not to share so I sent it to Lisa! 

"Waiting for God’s timing may also give us a greater miracle than we had hoped for."   —Marion Stroud

My Savior hears me when I pray,

Upon His Word I calmly rest;

In His own time, in His own way,

I know He’ll give me what is best. —Hewitt

A greater miracle, huh?  Wouldn't that be nice.

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*Names have been changed to protect privacy.  Image credit

Stay Tuned for Part 4: A Dream is a Wish 
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